This week, I was presented with a parenting situation that really challenged me. (Well, actually, I'm challenged in parenting situations every day pretty much, but this one stuck out.)
The back-story: Cooper is four and we've been dealing with the naptime dilemna for a few months now. He still needs a nap. I can tell that he is overtired at the end of the day when it is bathtime and he is cranky, cranky, cranky. But he can survive without a nap. Usually, when he does nap, he ends up staying up late, which amplifies the need for a nap the next day. So, for the last few months, we've been in this weird nap, no-nap situation. He always lays down for rest time. Sometimes he chooses to sleep and sometimes he chooses to play. I don't usually harp on these choices, but lately, it's become pretty evident the days he plays that he still needs the nap.
So, this week, we had some Indian Summer weather (yes, it was almost 90 here - at the end of October) and the apartment pool has been beckoning. On Wednesday afternoon, we got all decked out in our swimsuits and headed down to the pool for our Last Hoorah of Summer Swimming Time. When we arrived at the pool, it was locked. Apparently, the maintenance men had just put some chemicals in the pool and it was hazardous for us to go swimming. I had some disappointed kids, but I promised that IF they took a good nap tomorrow, we'd try again.
Thursday morning, they were bugging me to go swimming at about 7:02 AM (they get out of bed at 7) so, I called the office to ensure that we would be allowed entrance to the promised land. I was told that they would open it up FOR US that day, but after that, the pool would be closed for the season.
All morning, I reminded the kids that their foray to the pool was not certain - no, it was dependent on their naptime behavior. Would they make good choices? I take kids to the pool who make good choices. It was clear that my sweet and monstrous 4 year old needed a nap. But when nap time came, apparently the lure of cars on the bed was just too much. I even went into his room a couple of times to remind him that if he didn't make a good choice about taking a nap (I was a little more clear and direct with my language) he would not be going to the pool.
Of course, my warnings, pleadings, motherly advice and counsel all went unheeded and at wake up time, I had one sweet toddler and one overtired preschooler.
At first, I decided it was time for tough love. I even talked with a friend on the phone about it; I'm sure that she disapproved of my unmerciful mothering, even though she was way too sweet to say anything. I was NOT taking the kids to the pool!!! I was certain and unwavering.
Until I got to thinking about it. Cooper didn't NOT take a nap because he was being defiant or testing me. Usually, I really do mean what I say - I'm not the toughest cookie out there, but I'm pretty tough. He was just being a child; he got caught up in a game of imaginative play and couldn't bear to stop. He wasn't trying to manipulate the situation - playing quietly or pretending to be asleep when I went in there. No, he was loud and proud - our neighbors two buildings away knew that there was a preschooler awake in my house between 1 and 3 that day! Nor did he throw a huge fit when the verdict was passed down to him. At wake-up time, when I announced we wouldn't be going to the pool, he didn't have a meltdown. He barely even batted an eyelash. He totally took it in stride and moved on to the next activity. Oh, that we could all handle our disappointments and failures so easily.
So, after going on with our afternoon for about 45 minutes, I decided that it was time for the kids to have a lesson in grace. By now, Daddy was home, (Alex didn't try to convince me to lift the punishment or change my mind - he is so supportive that way! He just rolled with whatever), so Daddy and the kids headed down to the pool while I started dinner. After a few minutes, I joined my family at the pool for our Last Hoorah of Summer Swimming Time. And, yes, even though it was almost 90 out that day, the water was like icicles. My toes are still numb as I'm writing this! The kids had a great time, and it opened the door for us to talk about the grace that God showed to us when Jesus took our punishment upon Himself at the cross. I loved having this little teachable moment with Cooper - of course, it lasted all of 30 seconds, so excited about swimming he was, but still, 30 seconds to share the gospel with my kid is better than no time at all! I'm just planting seeds anyhow.
Another great thing was that our Last Hoorah of Summer Swimming Time was somewhat ceremonial. The kids were able to say goodbye and see ya next spring to the pool. (Seriously, I'm sure that we'll be swimming again in March, April for sure!) And I have not been asked about the pool again since. Of course, it is only Saturday - and we've got a long winter ahead of us, as far as 4 year olds are concerned. But still, I loved the closure of that last swim time.
For me this parenting incident has totally reminded me that there is a time for everything in the world - a time for playing, a time for working, a time for laughing, and a time for crying, a time for joy and a time for mourning, a time for Tough Love, and a time for grace. Of course, I want my kids to learn and grow into responsible kids, teens, adults that understand how to love God and serve others, but hopefully, as I receive grace from my Heavenly Father, I will be able to offer it freely and often to my own kids, without getting too wrapped up in my own fears and shortcomings as a mom. Because, really, I don't remember the time that God ever chose tough love over grace for me.
Disclaimer: Other moms than me would have inserted pictures of the kids having all sorts of fun at the pool during our ceremonial Last Hurrah of Summer Swimming Time, but I can't find my camera and (SHOCK!) got no pictures of the events. Which is one reason why I wanted to blog about it. Sorry about that though. Just imagine two very wet and excited kids splashing their not-as-wet and frozen mom and dad and you'll get the picture.
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